CO-PARENTING: BECAUSE ‘THE ONE’ MIGHT NOT APPEAR IN TIME...
In the UK today, around one in four men and women aged 41-45 have no children. This compares to one in ten in 1946. Something has shifted and is still shifting in our culture, outlook and in our closest relationships.
'The relationship ‘ideal’ most of us grow up feeling we want, need and will achieve is largely based on the idea and practice of ‘romanticism’. The idea that our partners will be able to satisfy wholly every aspect of our personal needs and desires: physical, intellectual and emotional. Achieving this in a person can indeed be a wonderful thing, but getting to the stage where we decide to have a child with someone based on this approach naturally takes time and a certain amount of luck (not to mention a certain mindset, but we won’t go too deeply into that here).
Two people will generally get to know each other, live together and wait a few years before deciding on starting a family together, but what if they embark on this journey at the age of 40 (the woman) and 45 (the man)? If one (or both) party decides it’s not right for whatever reason, then they are both back to square one. This means a much greater chance of missing out on having children during their lifetime.
We greatly encourage anyone who wishes to meet a 'forever partner’, and most of our members come to us seeking this first and foremost. But whilst we wholeheartedly support our members in their quest to find this, we offer our them another option: other members who too feel they have searched long enough and who don’t wish to risk missing out in the hope of holding out for ‘perfection’.
Co-parenting requires a more pragmatic approach and a realisation that not all of our boxes will be ticked in our search for a partner, allowing instead shared values and a mutual admiration and respect for one another to form the basis of a strong parenting bond (perfectly possibly even outside of a romantic coupling). We refer to this as “Plan B” and it particularly appeals to those who feel time is running out for them or who simply don’t want to risk waiting any longer.
Our co-parenting couples create mutually beneficial agreements and go on to have fulfilling relationships with new partners - just as almost all divorced or separated couples do. It may not be the ‘ideal' you always imagined, but it does help to ensure you don’t miss the boat, and potentially without a painful and costly divorce!